A collective that assists lonely senior citizens

AGING WITH GRACE
Kenneth Lobo discovers a dignified collective that assists lonely senior citizens

    Bomie Dotiwala interrupts the serenity of a sunlit evening on the
terrace of Daffodils, a building in Juhu. The congregation, comprising 60-
to 80-year-olds, has been anticipating the arrival of the actor (one half of
the elderly couple in Lage Raho Munnabhai) for over half an hour.
Apologising profusely for the delay, Dotiwala combines anecdote, blowing his
own trumpet (career-wise) and risqué humour, sharing his experiences as a
senior citizen, lending advice (a delicate mix of practical, heavy handed
and preachy) and suggestions. Judging by the reaction of his captive
audience, the talk is well worth the effort. That is a fly-onthe-wall
account of a senior citizens' support group that meets once every month to
dispel myths, halve problems and promote a general sense of well being.

    The government's 'hum do hamare do' policy might have ensured smaller
families in urban areas but it has also ensured that loneliness ranks among
the highest stress factors for the elderly. Noticing this void, Dr Anjali
Chhabria, who runs a clinic on the third floor of the same building,
initiated the support group to get senior citizen's talking. "In India, it
is taboo for parents to speak ill about their children. Ironically, it's the
fact that weighs most heavily on their minds - how they've invested their
lives and faith in people who have suddenly walked away from them," she
says. The challenge for the doctor was not only to bring people together but
also to ease the participants into discussing their problems.

    When Dotiwala concludes his session, Dr Chhabria takes over the
proceedings, constantly prodding for events, positive or negative, that have
shaped the previous month. It's the fifth session since the inception in
Diwali and yet, reactions are guarded and no one wants to be branded a
tell-all. "Trust is a big issue. A lady asked us last week, what if the
issues discussed turn into material for gossip. So we got everyone to swear
a kind of oath to secrecy," she says. After plenty of nudging, an
enthusiastic septuagenarian narrates how, in spite losing her kneecap and
sans help from her daughter, she swept and swabbed her floor, braving the
pain. The instance spurs others and now, several others take to the
microphone.

    Besides speakers - previous sessions have featured a dental expert, an
eye specialist, a singer and Dr Chhabria herself - members of the group also
participated in the Senior Citizens' Marathon in January. Interestingly,
Chhabria's parents form part of the group, and her father - running his
computer business at 70 - is an active contributor at sessions. The
word-of-mouth generated by the initiative reached the ears of a visiting
American-Indian senior citizen, who addresses a similar endeavour there. "He
called to ask if we'd be interested in listening to his experience. The
biggest differentiator in the sessions in the countries is that their
meetings are structured. A speaker is not given more than 45 minutes. We
can't realistically implement that here," says Dr Chhabria.

    Do the participants look each other up outside of support group? "Maybe
they do. But eventually, the members themselves have to regulate the set up,
calling each other and following up," she says. The doctor insists that the
best way forward is for someone to stand up from within. "Usually, one of
the senior citizens moderates the sessions, not me," she says, adding that
the comfort of having someone your own age such as the mediator does
encourage participation. Feeling less lonely and easing their burden might
be success enough but Dr Chhabria feels that's not enough. "People
constantly crib how there is no one to take care of children. On the other
hand, you have old people with much spare time. We need to get them to do
something like take care of children and involve ageing people in the
community," she says.


Publication:Mumbai Mirror; Date:Feb 12, 2007; Section:Bombay Buck; Page
Number:14

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