February 10, 2007
On tips to approach Alzheimer Disease, by Ms Hendi Lingiah,clinical
psychologist

The following text has been written by Richard Taylor, suffering from
Alzheimer Disease (dementia). He gives his views everyweek on
Alzheimer daily news website.

His testimony is not only an example of courage from someone who has
to fight the disease everyday, but it is also the testimony of
someone who has to face other's ignorance and misunderstanding.

The disease is in part a progressive disorder in the understanding
ability, a brain disorder. But it seems that many people, non-sick,
as they dont know or dont want to know more, oppose a "resistance" to
learn and use their own understanding ability. Limitating then their
empathy, maybe by fear, maybe by ignorance, maybe by helplessness
feeling. Whereas for others "it is only old age, so no need to
worry". Anyway, the result is suffering from each side.

By his contribution, Richard is letting us know, making us understand
by giving tips to us, how to approach persons suffering from
Alzheimer Disease. There is no perfect behavior, there is no perfect
way to answer and everyday comes a new problem, everyday a new
solution has to be found; so why not using our own understanding
ability while we know some others cant.

Everyone is different; Richard is sharing with us his own personal
experience. But when the relation to yourself and to your relatives
and environnement is disturbed because of the disease, the first step
is to accept it, which is already a big effort. This is the cost for
each of us and for our society to live a better life inspite of the
disease and with the disease, to assure welfare, respect and dignity
to someone who is still and forever a subject, an individual.


The following text of Richard is pointed out the issue of stop
driving for a person who is suffering from Alzheimer Disease; why
someday it becomes a necessity, who decides about that, when and how
to make it acceptable for the person, how to proceed, how to adjust
your own behaviour. It is Not the solution but A solution worth to
try.  There is no perfect behavior, there is no perfect way to answer
and everyday comes a new problem, everyday a new solution has to be
found; so why not using our own understanding ability while we know
some others cant.


Miss Hendi LINGIAH
Clinical Psychologist

Richards Views: The Best Way to Get Him/Her to Stop Driving

Several years ago while driving home from teaching a high school class, I was suddenly aware that I was steering my car across eight lanes of oncoming traffic! I was following the white line - not the one between lanes, but the one that had been put there to temporarily redirect traffic to toll booths which were no longer there. That was enough to scare me. I voluntarily stop driving the next day.

For many people, like me, who wake up each morning and arm wrestle with Dr. Alzheimer's until they fall asleep that evening, giving up driving is the most difficult decision for them and their caregivers to make ... and accept. What I did not realize was that I was also giving up my personal freedom - to come and go as I pleased, the subliminal giant root supporting my resistance to give up driving.

Some of us, people living with one of the diseases of dementia (especially Alzheimer's),
are honestly unaware of a problem, and are totally perplexed by the suggestion that our driving is less than excellent. Understandably, we become quite defensive when the entire family attacks us by trying to take our car keys. This is probably not the first time these family meetings have turned on them. [And what about the family struggle to get us to say aloud "I have Alzheimer's disease" or the time they wanted me to change my clothes because
they didn't like the way I was dressed?]

All these defenses are constructed because we see ourselves "under attack". Attacked by our own family members! I'm not really sure why I am so opposed to doing what they want me to do, but I do know I am strongly against it. [Why do people keep accusing me of acting as if I am paranoid? I'll tell you. I am defensive, not paranoid, because you keep attacking
me!]

For many of us, we sometimes, or always, lack the concentration to generate insights into ourselves,  We are the ones with the altered thought processes. Why don't you figure this out for yourself and adjust the ways you act towards me? Instead, you again want me to act and think as I did, like you, like you want me to. When will you ever get over it. I have Alzheimer's disease!] [If I could think like you now, I could generate insights like this. But I can't!

Whenever possible, begin early in the disease process, pre-prepare the person [me] for what might be to come. "Ganging up" may work for the family - but it doesnt work for me.
All need to agree that if and when that time comes, it will be a consensus of opinion
(what/who/when/where/how) and all have determined that it is time for me to stop driving.

You-all need to keep reminding me, lest I forget. You-all need to keep reminding me of the
arrangements that have made to diminish the effect upon my freedom to go when and where I want. Contact members of the church, neighbors, friends, volunteers who could drive for me, helping to dissolve my fears of being stuck at home. They will need to learn how to drive for me, and not drive me. Offer to try out this plan - one day a week for three weeks - to see if it works. Do it now, while I don't see it as a threat. Go along with me to places we usually go together. Let me go by myself to places I usually go to alone. [We can deal with the
secret police issues later on when I need them.] Build my confidence that there will be little change in my lifestyle when I park the old mini-van for the last time. And please do it one-on-one. Don't jump me with the gang of seven. Don't leave it all to Mom or Dad to drop the hammer.

Now what of those who are too far into the disease process whereby this approach can't be used - sitting in the dining room, surrounded by uncomfortable family members? Everyone out of the room! We first need to try this one-on-one, and it needs to take place over a couple of weeks. Get your story straight with each other. Get the support network together while the conversations take place. Offer to try it out to see if it works.

Use the "there is strength in numbers" approach only as a last resort, not as a first, preferred
course of action. Don't threaten in hopes of scaring me, unable to follow through. Don't just be firm and not offer some solution for which you will take responsibility. This isn't all about me [at least in my mind it isn't]. It's about what you want, not what I want.

Act now. It would be best not to wait until the car is in the shop being repaired from the accident. If you need proof to justify imposing these constraints, we are both in trouble.

Perhaps this is not "the best" way to engage this issue, but from my perspective it sure beats the alternatives. Waiting to cross this bridge when you come to it is definitely not the right road to start out on. Early on, early stage, everyone creating a family road map seems to be a better answer.

Source : Richard Taylor, Alzheimer Daily News

From-
Hendi LINGIAH"
lingiah_hendi@yahoo.fr